Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Hard Telling.....

All Right here we's hard telling how this one will turn out! I have been avoiding this for over a month now. That is why I haven't blogged in a long time. I think that I haven't been ready to put my feelings down in black and white about my Father's passing. However, for some reason, now is the time. . .so get this. . .it's 11:34 pm and I have had a long day with Mom and Angie in SLC listening to a bunch a lawyers fight a legal battle that my parents have been involved in for about 3 years. ... the point of bringing that up is that MY MOM IS THE STRONGEST PERSON THAT I KNOW!!!!! Throughout my life, with what ever my parents have been up against, they have handled it with grace, integrity, love, selflessness, honesty, foresight, and an amazing ability to see the good in every one and thing. My mother has shown every one of those characteristics through this whole ordeal. I would hope that if I were in Mom's situation I could have the strength that she has, but I don't think that I could. Mom, I have more respect for you today then I have ever had in my life and you truly are my Hero and I Love You!

This has rocked our whole family to its core and as we all have said so many times the world is a different place without Dad! We have learned alot about each other as a family that we haven't maybe known before. I can tell you this and that is that I couldn't have made it thought this without my loving husband, my kids, my mom and my sisters. Over the years time has changed so many things in our relationship as a family. However, this has forever changed our bond and our understanding of what is important. When the Duke family came to the viewing we connected in a way that I never thought that we would . They have also lost there Father with in the the past year. We are part of a new crappy club we have decided. There is strength in numbers and we will all make it though this I am sure.

So, in church we talk about how if you do what you are suppose to then all will be OK. Pay your tithing, go to church, meetings, temple, VT, HT you know the list. But what is OK? I am not OK with this and to be honest it totally sucks and sometimes I am down right pissed off. This is the hardest thing that I have ever been through. However, in the middle of all these emotions that I have been feeling in the past month, my heart is aching yet my mind tells me that I need to wrap my arms around the fact that this is God's plan, that it was Dad's time to go and that it will all be OK!
My Dad was the most amazing man that I have ever known, the void that I feel can never be filled. I am honered to call him Dad and a Friend!!! His funeral service was a true tribute to the man that he is and the life that he lead. In the Wasatch Wave a family friend wrote a letter about dad and he said "Mark's sermons weren't taught by the Book of Mormon's that he gave out, but by the life that he lead." What a true statement that is.

So here are some things that I wanted to get down on paper so that when i have a low spot in this journey I can reflect on some of the memories that we are left with at this time.

5 things that I want my kids to know about my Dad

-how much he loved Grandma and his Family
-what an honest man he is
-what a hard worker he is
-how he could fix anything
-what a soft heart he has and how he loves everyone

5 things that I have learned from my Dad

-when you get knocked down just keep trying
-to keep your mouth shut and let people talk
-always look at the positive side of things
-to be honest in all your dealing
-give life all that you have got even when you don't think that you have anymore to give.

5 things that my parents relationship has taught me

-what the word Love means
-don't sweat the little stuff
-it's not worth fighting about it (I have NEVER heard my parents raise there voice at each other)
-how to respect your partner
- what I want my relationship to be

5 funny thing that dad would say

-2 rules of plumbing 1-shit never runs uphill 2-don't lick your fingers
-finish work should be done with a chain saw
-when asked why he is always so good he would reply, "low expectations!"
-there is a deal everyday
-not really what he would say, but the look that he would give you that would tell you that he wasn't pleased

5 thing that I will miss the most about him

-his wisdom
-his ability to always know what to say and how to handle a situation
-his interest in my life and my family
-his ability to fix anything
-cuddling with him on the couch and talking about whatever comes to mind

Alright Sister's...Tag your it..

Dad, I want you to know that I miss you more then I could ever put into words. I can't wait to be with you agian, but until then I hope to continue to feel your love and influence on this earth. My last request is the ---May "God be with (all of) us tell we meet again."--- I Love You Dad!