Guess who's in charge....

Well I am not sure what it is about Lillie lately but she thinks that she is running the show. I have had a few rough days with her. However, we had a talk tonight and I pray that she will start to get better tomorrow. If not..... We will keep working at it. She got a new bed yesterday. Nana came over today to watch the kids for a min. While she was here she took Lillie crib apart. So tonight Lillie fell asleep in the Van on the way home for Nana and Papa house (side note...it feels so good to call there home Nana and Papa because that is what it will always be, however whenever i say it that way to the kids they correct me and tell me that Papa is with Heavenly Father....which always makes me cry...so I have had to call things just Nana's....Mom you need to know that I know it will always be the two of you,) OK back to the story...so I brought her into the house and she sleep through me getting her in her PJ. I then laid her in her new bed. She look at me with the most concerned look on her face and said "Nana broke my bed today." It was so funny!



Today was Tobey's IEP and it went well. He is making great progress. We talked about his goals from last year and for the most part he has meet most of them. I am so proud of him!!! His 1st IEP I cried my flippin eyes out. No tears were shed over that today. I was also so proud of him today he put on his shoes for the 1st time all by himself. The past 6 months he has really taken off.



Well Dad got another Friend today. Dakota past away today. He hasn't been doing very well, but today was his day to go and play with Dad and Jack . The Family has always told me that I don't like him (I don't really care for dogs all that much) but I can say that I have shed a tear for him today. I am sure that Dad is glad to have him though.



Anyway, here is to a Better Tomorrow.

Tagged.....

OK have been tagged twice now with this and it was a long time ago. I am so sorry!!!!! Anyway have fun learning more about me.

4 things I love about my husband: His Patience with me, How much he trusts me, How he loves me, and how much I love him and how we have grown in that Love!

4 movies I could watch over and over: Not really and Over and Over again kinda girl...however with kids that list would look like I Love Cars, Nemo, Shark Tales, Enchanted, Surf Up, the list could go for hours. Especially on Insp week.

4 TV shows that I watch: Terminator (with Jed) ,Gray's, Private Practice, Eli Stone

4 place I have been: New York, Alaska, Lake Powell, Jackson Hole

4 places I'd love to go: Lake Powell, New York, Paris, Washington DC

4 things I look forward to in the next year: Working through all the 1st with Dad, going on a vacation with my family, Lillie starting Pre-School, Planting another Garden

4 people I tag: Freak I sucked at this so anyone that wants to! LOL

Hard Telling.....

All Right here we go...it's hard telling how this one will turn out! I have been avoiding this for over a month now. That is why I haven't blogged in a long time. I think that I haven't been ready to put my feelings down in black and white about my Father's passing. However, for some reason, now is the time. . .so get this. . .it's 11:34 pm and I have had a long day with Mom and Angie in SLC listening to a bunch a lawyers fight a legal battle that my parents have been involved in for about 3 years. ... the point of bringing that up is that MY MOM IS THE STRONGEST PERSON THAT I KNOW!!!!! Throughout my life, with what ever my parents have been up against, they have handled it with grace, integrity, love, selflessness, honesty, foresight, and an amazing ability to see the good in every one and thing. My mother has shown every one of those characteristics through this whole ordeal. I would hope that if I were in Mom's situation I could have the strength that she has, but I don't think that I could. Mom, I have more respect for you today then I have ever had in my life and you truly are my Hero and I Love You!

This has rocked our whole family to its core and as we all have said so many times the world is a different place without Dad! We have learned alot about each other as a family that we haven't maybe known before. I can tell you this and that is that I couldn't have made it thought this without my loving husband, my kids, my mom and my sisters. Over the years time has changed so many things in our relationship as a family. However, this has forever changed our bond and our understanding of what is important. When the Duke family came to the viewing we connected in a way that I never thought that we would . They have also lost there Father with in the the past year. We are part of a new crappy club we have decided. There is strength in numbers and we will all make it though this I am sure.

So, in church we talk about how if you do what you are suppose to then all will be OK. Pay your tithing, go to church, meetings, temple, VT, HT you know the list. But what is OK? I am not OK with this and to be honest it totally sucks and sometimes I am down right pissed off. This is the hardest thing that I have ever been through. However, in the middle of all these emotions that I have been feeling in the past month, my heart is aching yet my mind tells me that I need to wrap my arms around the fact that this is God's plan, that it was Dad's time to go and that it will all be OK!

My Dad was the most amazing man that I have ever known, the void that I feel can never be filled. I am honered to call him Dad and a Friend!!! His funeral service was a true tribute to the man that he is and the life that he lead. In the Wasatch Wave a family friend wrote a letter about dad and he said "Mark's sermons weren't taught by the Book of Mormon's that he gave out, but by the life that he lead." What a true statement that is.

So here are some things that I wanted to get down on paper so that when i have a low spot in this journey I can reflect on some of the memories that we are left with at this time.

5 things that I want my kids to know about my Dad

-how much he loved Grandma and his Family
-what an honest man he is
-what a hard worker he is
-how he could fix anything
-what a soft heart he has and how he loves everyone

5 things that I have learned from my Dad

-when you get knocked down just keep trying
-to keep your mouth shut and let people talk
-always look at the positive side of things
-to be honest in all your dealing
-give life all that you have got even when you don't think that you have anymore to give.

5 things that my parents relationship has taught me

-what the word Love means
-don't sweat the little stuff
-it's not worth fighting about it (I have NEVER heard my parents raise there voice at each other)
-how to respect your partner
- what I want my relationship to be

5 funny thing that dad would say

-2 rules of plumbing 1-shit never runs uphill 2-don't lick your fingers
-finish work should be done with a chain saw
-when asked why he is always so good he would reply, "low expectations!"
-there is a deal everyday
-not really what he would say, but the look that he would give you that would tell you that he wasn't pleased

5 thing that I will miss the most about him

-his wisdom
-his ability to always know what to say and how to handle a situation
-his interest in my life and my family
-his ability to fix anything
-cuddling with him on the couch and talking about whatever comes to mind

Alright Sister's...Tag your it..

Dad, I want you to know that I miss you more then I could ever put into words. I can't wait to be with you agian, but until then I hope to continue to feel your love and influence on this earth. My last request is the ---May "God be with (all of) us tell we meet again."--- I Love You Dad!

Well, tommorw it's been two weeks!

It's amazing to me that its been that long...sometimes it seams like time is flying and other time so slow. When we started this adventure they said they we needed to measure the progress by weeks not days. So two weeks into this we have come a long way. They are working to get him off sedation now, the way that they do this is to take it off for as long as they can and then put it back on when he can't tolerate it anymore. They did it yesterday for about 2.5 hours. It was hard to watch. He moves a little more each time, he doesn't really open his eyes it not like he is all the sudden awake. The sedation meds store in your body so it will take a while for it all to wear off. The reason that they needed to put it back on was because of his blood pressure, which has been a issue for him since he was 19. The thing that is really good it that the reason isn't because of his icp (brain pressure). That tells me that the brain is doing better. Anyway, I have said that dad has always tried to teach us Patience.....now its ulitment patience. I know that the road will be long, however, I know for a fact with the Lords help its Possible. Someone reminded me the other day how the Lord gives you straight to be able challenges. I can feel that daily!

An Amazing Man!!!!!!!!!!!

Dad...I Love You, Keep Fighting!!! Thanks for Always being so Good to me and my family!!! Kourtnie (I took this pic about 2 weeks before his accident.)

How Papa situation has affected the Kids

Well we pray for him all the time or they are aware what is going on with him. If you ask them what is wrong with Papa the kids will say that he "hurt his head". When you ask who is helping him they will say....Well the first couple times Lillie said Heavenly Father and the Doctors. Now they say that the Doctors are helping him. The other morning after I had a hard night at the hosptial. When I got home Lillie and I were cuddling in bed and we said a prayer for Papa. Later I was sleeping and she was playing on the bed about four times in a row she said. Heavenly Father...Bless Papa...Amen. It was so cute. It reminded me of the Faith of a child and just and simple it has to be. Later that day (about 4 hours) I was in the Kitchen and she came upstairs and said, Mama, Papa be OK. and then went on her way. I love how she keep it in perspective for me. Her child like faith is amazing and powerful.

Sitting Next to the Shittier....

Well you might think that I have lose my mind and I am here to tell you that I think maybe I have. No not really this recovery of Dad has been a roller coaster......one thing that I have to say very first....it that Jed has been a trooper. He really doesn't do these sort of things very well and I was a little worried about him the first night that we got here. However he has stepped up to the plate and put his game face on. I don't have to worry about coming here he is always ready to take care of the kids. Jed has given me so much moral support. As you can imagine my emotions have been strate crazy sometimes and he is always there with a shoulder to cry on and ear to listen. Thanks you Sweetheart...this whole experience have made me realize even more why I Love You. You are my Man and I will always love you!!!

OK so you are probably wounder why I say sitting next to the Shittier....well it because in Dad's ICU room there is a toilet and the chair that we sit in are right around it. Yes that is what we do all day is sit here watch numbers and sit next to the shittier. Dad is doing well. It has been a roller coaster. We have good hour and bad hours. Its all about icp---ccp and blood pressure! We watch those numbers and hope for the best. Shoot we don't hope for the best we know that he will be coming home it is all a matter of time. They say that after 7 days the swelling should start to go down and that is today. So we are waiting to see from here where we go. He is still in a drug induced comma and is on the vent. He is showing great signs of improvement and we are very hopeful. Wait I said those same words in my last blog, but its true!!!! We are very hopeful.

They are going to but a track and g tube in probably on Wed I think... they want him to be stable for 24 hours before we do that. We we will wait and see. When you are here at the hospital its like you are in another world. Its a good thing but the waiting room for this floor is all Crital patients families we have become friends with most of them don't know there name just about there loved ones. Mom is doing so great. i want to be a wife like her...she is so uptight that she wont even read she just watches numbers.